How to Stop Fighting Step #1 Limit the Escalation Spiral

Option E. Take a "Time Out" to Cool Down

While anger is a normal emotion, decisions made in anger are often not wise.

Anger also colors the way we interpret statements and events, increasing the likelihood of misunderstanding and conflict escalation.

When disputants are angry, it is usually useful to take the time to "cool down."

This can be done quickly, by walking away and taking 10 deep breaths, or by suggesting you "take a time out" to "calm down" or "think."

This could be just a few minutes, or it could be a day. In formal processes (such as labor-management disputes), "cooling-off periods" can even last a month!

In Getting Past No, author Bill Ury urges people in difficult disputes to "go to the balcony."

This is a metaphor for stepping back, moving away (and metaphorically above) the fray, where you can calm down and look down (as an "outsider," rather than an "insider") on what was happening.

Here, you can gain a more objective view of the situation, and begin to formulate plans for how to proceed that are more likely to meet your interests than words spoken in anger are likely to achieve.