How to Stop Fighting Step #3 Break Down Misunderstandings -- Communicate Well

Option A. Say it Again

Most people assume that communication is like a package.

• The "sender" has an idea.
• He or she "packages it up" in words, and "sends" it to another person.
• That person opens up the package --
• And both assume that what the receiver finds inside is the same thing that the sender thinks he or she placed there.

Unfortunately, messages often don't work this way!

Why not?

• Communication is not nearly as simple as sending a package that doesn't change.
• A better metaphor might be a picture that is transmitted through a set of lenses.
• The sender has one set of lenses that makes the picture look one way, but the receiver may have a different set of lenses -- created by their past experiences, beliefs, and culture -- that may make the picture look very different.

So if the receiver didn't understand what you said the first time,

Saying it the same way again probably won't help.

And saying it louder (which we often do when we are frustrated) is likely to make matters even worse!

But trying to explain your thoughts in a different way might help.